Now that you know...

It was something else, in the bathroom, suddenly being let in on a secret that only God had known. I suppose we all share secrets with God. But that's one set of five minutes that I will always hold near. Just me and Him knowing something small and huge and cool.

My kitties stared at me, my hands over my face, and then at the stick, hoping it was something that maybe they could play with.

The stick stared at me. One word. "Pregnant." No "not" to be seen. I've seen "not" so many times. But not that time.

That was something.

J's face. That was something.

Friday afternoon I felt like I was on the most massive jet lag of my life. Nauseatingly tired. Slept for 2 hours. That was weird. And I thought it was weird. But I know better by now than to really "think" anything.

Saturday morning (13dpo), my temperature jumped. I wasn't expecting my period until Monday, but still. A jump is peculiar. And I thought to myself, "You know, just take a test. That way you won't have to hope all weekend."

I ended up having to hope all weekend. :)

I still am. Hoping.

I'm tired. I'm hungry. That's the funny thing. The hunger. I'm never a hungry person. These days? Hungry. The Fast has gone out the window.

I've never been particularly well endowed, but I'm moving in that direction.

I'm clinging to every sign and symptom, trying to believe that it's real. That everything is going to be OK.

I'm not ecstatic. I'm calm. Optimistic. A little afraid. But what's most noticeable is that something I've carried around for the last 2+ years is just... gone.

Bloodwork was done on Wednesday, 17dpo. My hcg was at 201.6 and my progesterone is at 12. Progesterone is a little low. Not worrisome, but I'm going to go on progesterone supplements just to support the wee mustard seed. More bloodwork tomorrow (Fri). We want the hcg to be in the 300's.

Life is pretty dang funny sometimes.

Ah. Here's the word I'm looking for: Thankful. I am so so so thankful.