Funny how things go

My blog is entitled “What About November”. I don’t remember if I’ve ever explained why it’s called that. Perhaps I have, and perhaps this is old information. But I’ve been thinking about it recently again.

There is a song called “To Say Thanks” by Nichole Nordeman, and I’d recommend you looking it up (there’s a full version on Lala.com) and giving it a listen. It is a heart wrenching song, heartbreaking, and I heard it first at a time when the very ugly was right before our eyes.

We are told to give thanks in all things. And she wants to know why it’s so damn hard sometimes, and why it just gets harder and harder.

The chorus is something I left behind about a year ago. I don’t ask why anymore. I think it’s both an irrelevant question but with a very obvious answer. We start looking for specific reasons for the rain and we’re liable to read too much into things. I think it just rains. And sometimes it washes us away and sometimes it washes us clean.

There are things that are up to us, and things that just aren’t.

We don’t need to ask what God wants from us, or what He wants us to learn, or what He’s doing. We know. He’s told us already. He wants us to act justly, love mercy, and walk humbly. He wants us to learn to love. He is always here.

The second verse says, “Even fields of flowers, dressing in their best because of You, knowing they are blessed to be in bloom… But what about November, when the air is cold and wet winds blow, do they understand why they can’t grow?”

I’ve found myself in 27 months of November, unable to grow anything new. It has rained, it has been cold, I have cried, I have been angry, I have been strong, I have despaired, I have hoped. I have never been alone.

I have been wrong. I have been growing a new me. I have been growing a new family with my husband and stepchildren. I have been growing a new faith.

This journey started in November of 2007. And I imagine a small, wry, pleased smile on the face of my Father as I cross my fingers, cross myself, shake a little, and whisper to you that as things stand right now, another journey will start in November 2010.

I’m pregnant.


(Shhhhhhhh – this isn’t Facebook fodder for a while yet…)