ew

So the word is that I'm to have some horrid-sounding three-letters-the-first-is-an-H procedure on Tuesday to check my plumbing. Something involving a speculum and shoving something through my cervix (gag) and dye. Someone please tell me what the three letters are so I can go look it up. Well, first tell me, will looking it up make me feel more or less nauseous? I'm less scared and more grossed out. But there's a little fear there too.

The best part? The hubby can't come. Whimper.

Had a good cry about it last night. Something about how this whole thing has taken a rapid turn into "suck". I mean, 12 months of trying sucks, but something about a series of medical procedures (there are more to come) kinda curls my hands into fists. Something about feeling a little robbed - about how this is all supposed to be fun and exciting, and I don't remember seeing anything on any movie about crying into your pillow.

I should go count my blessings. I'm sure I'd feel much better.

What I think I'm actually going to do is go read a book - something that will make me forget I have a body, that it's malfunctioning, and that I have a rather sore heart inside of it.

EDIT: It's an HSG. Read about it. Less scared. More grossed out.