Channelling

It's an odd energy, this. It's worn out from months of fruitless hoping and raging, etc, and yet still finds it within itself to twitch impotently when poked.

It's funny, because in my head I realize that we've never really had a popsicle's chance in hell all this time, but I feel like we just lost our last chance at doing all this the "real" way. Of course, that's not even technically true, as we have one more month before all the needles and scans start. I have a friend who's been unhelpfully prophecying that I will get pregnant when I go off the Clomid. We'll see if she stands up there with Nostradamus or not.

In any case, I've been channelling all this impotent energy into bag-making. No kidding. I have a pile of cool fabric that I bought on a whim last summer that I've never quite figured out how to use. Well, I found two cool patterns and have been sewing up a storm. Now, I have a pile of cool bags I have no idea what to do with... Anyone want a bag? Mother's Day is coming up - that'll knock two out of the way (one for each of our moms)... Hmmm.

Also, (has anyone else noticed this?) it's easier to be nice when all the fury (not using the word as a synonym of anger, but as an illustration - like trees being whipped around in a "fury" of a wind) is spent. My stepkids and I are getting along, for the most part, beautifully. I like it. I wish I'd been stomped on a long time ago, for their sakes at least.

On a different topic entirely, it's lovely here today. Finally. Makes me think of guns. Haha. No, really. Maybe J and I will go shooting later this week. Target, not creature. We've got a way-fun black powder that makes a phenomenal "kaBOOM" and kicks the hell out of your arm. And a small handgun. I've been lusting after a revolver for years. Maybe when we're rich I'll get a sexy little silver thing with a wooden handle. Mmmmmm. But in any case, there's something quite lovely about staring down a barrel at the target. It makes everything else just go away.



"This is what it is to be loved,
and to know
that the promise was when everything fell
we'd be held."