Resolved

I've been going in for blood work every Friday for the last... how many weeks? Six? I'm not even sure really. I'm not sure why they wanted to monitor my hormone levels so closely, but they wanted to be certain of when the pregnancy had "resolved", or when my hcg levels were below 5. Recall, they were at 70,000 on April 14th.

My results from last Friday are 4.6. The pregnancy has "resolved". For the first time since the end of February, I am no longer in any way pregnant.

I'm not sure why they call it "resolved".

I don't really want to talk about how the sadness lingers still, though not constantly. I don't want to sit here for too long and say how hard it is to pass silly landmarks in time. I don't like to realize that I'd be showing by now. The word "missing" is one that hardly needs saying.

So I'll say that it's nice having my energy back. That's what took the longest. Between the hormones and the sadness, all of April and most of May has been a bit of a whammy. But, I can finally run without thinking seriously of just laying down on the moving treadmill. I actually ran 2 miles on Tuesday. I haven't done anything close to that since my 5k at the end of Feb. I've signed up for another 5k on July 3rd. There's a half marathon in November that I might shoot for. Being honest, I don't care a whit for it at the moment, but maybe by then I will.

We start trying again in September.