It turned into a post on insanity

You might have noticed a certain crumbling in my last post. There's no more of that going on. Heh. Not that certain people aren't still infuriating and certain losses aren't still making themselves known from time to time. But I'm feeling better about it. Thankful for that.


Had an encounter with the Unwoman. (J's ex. If you've ever read Perelandra you'll know why I call her that.) I don't even know how to begin explaining the conversation. Basically, we need to get the summer schedule with the kids nailed down. (Nailing anything down is something she balks at. She always wants the option to change her mind, so we never know anything about her schedule until the last minute. It's a bastardization of the notion of liberty. She wants to have so much freedom that she can't choose anything, lest she be obligated to live by that choice. But then, of course, she can't ever actually do anything. She'd be a fascinating case study. In a book. Have I mentioned that she is a real live, diagnosed Narcissist?)


So she and J have been screaming over the phone at each other. Because they can't talk about anything.


So J and I decided that we would take another tack with her. Basically, I talked to her for about a half hour the other day. The approach I took is not typing fodder. It would take pages. But it worked. But I left feeling like a nuke had gone off in my brain. It defies explanation - the way she sees the world. I have never, ever, ever seen anything like it. I basically took every insult and insanity she dished out. Every bullshit nonsense totally crazy thing she said, I granted. And we were "allies" by the end. But, she is in charge of this alliance, don't you forget it. *roll eyes*


I used to be manipulative. I squash that tendency in myself every time I see it. But I played her. And I hate it. But what are you supposed to do with someone who will not use reason? She would deny the sky is blue if she thought it would suit her purposes.


I made the mistake at one point of saying "we", referring to J & I regarding the kids (like, "we have them on this date"). She informed me in no uncertain terms that, "There is no 'we'. This has nothing to do with you." I said, "But I am married to him." And she said, "Maybe you're 'married' to him, but this has nothing to do with you. There is no 'we'. You're not mentioned in any of the paperwork and you're not one of their parents."


sigh. Silently granted. (But REALLY?!?!?)


Have I mentioned that she has told the kids' friends to call me Miss (maiden name)? That she refuses to use my married name when she talks about me?


OK. Here's an example of just madness. My brother is getting married in 3 weeks. The kids are in the wedding. She was wanting to get the kids after the wedding on that Saturday. I'm like, "well, the reception might not be over until late." And the conversation went like this, verbatim.


Un: Affronted: "See? I don't even know when this this will be over. Nobody has even told me when the reception is going to end."
Me: "Well, I don't know when the reception will end."
Un: sneering "Nobody ever knows when the reception will end." Like I'm an idiot.


*blink*


Ugh. Anyhow. Enough poison. At first, driving away from that conversation, I felt so sick. Like I'd just bathed in something vile. Badness that is as deep as hers is bewildering.


But now I'm feeling more empowered. There's something about seeing evil so clearly that's almost a comfort. It's clear what it is and what it isn't. And it's so ugly that there's no question of being drawn in by accident. She's been personally attacking me for weeks and I'm not gonna lie, it gets stuck in my head. I start wondering, almost. Or at least responding. When I dress the kids in the morning (or help them, rather) I found myself saying to myself, "See, their clothes are just fine. They're not all wrinkly or full of holes. They fit. They're clean." Which is the opposite of what she's been saying to me via text message for weeks. She actually brought a change of clothes to my stepson's school and changed him in the middle of the day because the dress shirt and khakis I'd sent him in weren't good enough. And I know she's wrong, but still, I found myself wanting to justify myself to an insane person.

Having spoken to her, face to face, for even 20 minutes has cured me of that.

I hadn't meant to write all of this. But here it is written. Maybe some things need purging?

The other crazy lady is still refusing to pay me. *pursing lips*

I changed the blog background. Years of brown were fine. But hey, why not pink for a little?

I have more to say, but methinks this blog is long enough. Maybe another time.

The days have gotten progressively better since Wednesday.