There is a debate in the philosophical world, and has been for quite some time, as to whether the mind and the body are distinct things, or two manifestations of one thing. In other words, is the mind something other than the body, or just a function of it. And then some folks throw the soul or spirit into the mix just to make things fun.
I have to say, I'm not sure. We're certainly material-spiritual amphibians, but how that works and how the mind figures in and where they all connect is not something I have an answer to. I don't honestly know if I really care, haha.
Preambles, preambles. Where I'm going with this is an observation. When this TTC thing starts to get to me, I can feel it in my body. It's a tightness in my chest and electricity in my arms. Weird? Perhaps. But there it is. Unfortunately for my sanity, it's dark and rainy out and I'm stuck in front of my computer stewing, I mean, working. All day. Bah. My pile of brightly colored fabric is, literally, 24 inches away from my elbow, along with my newly fixed sewing machine. I'm itching to dig in.
I'm going to try to open up a shop on etsy.com and see if I can sell some of the results of my self-medicating (not medicated) sewing therapy. :) I'll post the link when it's up and running. We'll see. If none sell, I'll simply foist them upon my unsuspecting friends and relatives. Luckies. har har har
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I've been in a tussle in my mind (whether that's located in my brain, or otherwise linked to it, haha) about the subject of prayer. I've found lately a certain stilling in my prayers. It's not that I don't want to - it's that I seem to be losing any sense of what to say. The Orthodox prayers are full of acknowledgements (otherwise known as praise, but they feel more like statements of fact than statements of emotion... does that make sense?) and petitions and lots of "Kyrie eleison"s. I suppose there's a hint there.
But what do you do when you feel blessed beyond expectation or hope - knee deep in treasures - how do you possibly work up the gall to ask for more? Obedience is the answer, I know that. We are told to pray for our daily bread. Not just the starving are told to pray. We all are. And we are told to give thanks when it comes. But ask nonetheless. So it's obedience, again and again, that is required.
But it feels like audacity.
And how do you pray for specifics? All I've found myself capable of asking for lately is, "Whatever You want to give" because to say, "Almighty God, I want this" just seems... odd. I suppose that's why the Orthodox repeat Kyrie eleison. Mercy, please, as I ask for something that maybe I ought not have. Mercy, please, and give me wisdom as I ask. Mercy, please, and teach me how to seek the things You are pleased to give. Mercy, please, I want that and it's breaking me. Mercy, please, patience. Mercy, please, comfort. Mercy, please, gratitude. Mercy... please... Mercy, please. Mercy, please, and forgiveness for silence.
2 comments:
Wow... That's EXACTLY how I feel. Even the same feeling in the arms.
Hmmm...
thoughtful here...
I suppose that one answer might be this, that you have your answer in the gentle tide of silence as it arises. That when you are rendered mute, when you can only say, "Abba, I don't know what else to say, I have said it all...", then perhaps some whisper would be heard. When there's nothing left to do or say BUT plead for mercy, because in spite of all your educated and informed and obedient humanity, you cannot create for yourself this thing that you so long for. It is the very, absolute end of yourself.
You cannot make someone love you, you cannot stop time, you cannot evade death, you cannot create life. In all of that, we have to rely on mercy.
Seems like the essence of your humanity - the desire that He placed in you from the beginning with Eve - is bumping up against His divinity. That's a hard, hard place to be, when you get there with sincerity.
Jacob wrestled (maybe tussled?? grin) with God; he was tenacious and refused to let go. His tenacity, audacious though it was, earned him a blessing and a new name.
I believe that the end result of this process will be a blessing, a new name, perhaps something more flesh and blood, but something redeemable. Until you see it, I think you stick with the request for mercy.
Even in silence, He is near.
Love you.
(((hugs)))
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