Letters to tables

Dear table 81,
There's no need to be snippy with my friend. She offered you wine. It's her job. For you to respond, "Ma'am, we are Christians. Please do not set that bottle on our table!" makes me want to say, "Sir, so is she! And I don't recall Christ ever saying, 'Feel free to be nasty to those who offend you.' I'm pretty sure He said to love your neighbors. And I'm pretty sure that the whole Cana incident was properly recorded. They didn't drink unfermented grape juice at the time." Really, the devil is not in the bottle.


Dear table 72,
You were the delight of my evening. You looked at each other the way my husband and I look at each other. My mind went in fast forward and I hope that in 40 years we still can read each other's minds, want to, and find joy in it. Your love for each other flowed over into kindness for me. Thanks for the reminder.

Dear party of 8 at table 70,
Your kids were utter terrors and they were big enough not to be. There's no need for a 5 year old to toss his spaghetti on the floor and then grind it into the carpeting of two sections by racing back and forth between them. I was amused, sir, when you gently caught your son by the face. I wouldn't have previously thought you could do such a thing... gently. Thank you, though, for the large tip. Many people don't realize that your waitress is perfectly willing to clean up the post-Armageddon-like mess your kids leave, but really resent doing it for free.

Dear table 60,
If you don't want a waitress, go to a fast food joint. I have to ask you questions. There's no other way for me to know what you want to drink, what you want to eat, and if you need more of anything. You are the type of people that make me want to be the kind of mother who raises children to raise their eyes off the table, answer in complete sentences, and be at minimum basically polite, if not friendly.

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I am a waitress. Server. Word-de-jour, whatever. I bring food to people as quickly, efficiently, and pleasantly as I can. I enjoy my job and I'm pretty good at at I think. I should be. I've been doing it for almost 12 years now. Child labor laws, my apron strings. I started when I was 14. :) I have learned a lot doing that job. I've learned that adults are a lot like children. When they're hungry, they're crabby. Sometimes, a breadstick can turn a whole day around. I've learned to forgive people who are demeaning, mean, rude, haughty, or just plain thoughtless and serve them nonetheless. Surely there are life lessons here, eh? Nevertheless, there are a lot of things I'd like to say to people. I'm going to start saying them here.

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I go to a Greek Orthodox church. Someday I'd really like to be Orthodox. Officially. I'm not yet, but there are good reasons for that. So I was sitting in church yesterday, and was surrounded by three fantastic smells: the perfume of the lady in front of me, some sweet Greek bakery that was being prepared for coffee hour (these people can cook), and the incense. It was so cool, because captured in my nose was one of the primary reasons that I love the Orthodox Church. They don't divide the holy from the "worldly" but realize that holiness is big enough to fill anything that will subject itself to it. Icons are not just the paintings on gold leaf.