Days go by...

I've been meaning to blog, but have been finding myself at a certain shortage of time. We had all kinds of extra people in our house around Thanksgiving. It was lovely to have them here. It just doesn't afford much blogging time, you know?

In the TTC world, I went in to get blood drawn yesterday. I JUST heard from the doc. You need at least a 3 to indicate ovulation. Over the summer, I had a 2 the first time. Then, on Clomid, I got 38. This cycle... all on my own... no meds... 11!!!! Yay body! Way to pop out an egg!! *dance dance dance dance dance*

So the question to be answered in the next couple weeks is, if I'm not pregnant this time, should we go off the Clomid? Hm. We'll see how things go.

I'm almost beside myself. Ah!

I've been thinking this last week. A lot. Because ever since I suspected ovulation, my spirits and optimism have totally gone way up. I feel like I can take the waiting so long as there's still hope. The fact that my last period was so wacky really freaked me out. I was feeling like, "Oh great, so now there's something ELSE wrong." But with hope, there's more patience. I've been wondering about this and feeling sort of... umm... weak? about it. Like, shouldn't I be able to be patient and content even when things aren't the way I would have scripted them? Maybe. I think there's a great good to be found there. But at the same time, I think that hope is a gift. To take that gift and use it well is also a good thing. It's not only one of the three theological virtues but also a promise that's been given to us. New mercies every morning. A return of all the years that the locust have eaten. (Isn't that a cool image for us TTCers who have tried and tried and face month after month of emptiness... and yet another Christmas without the thing we long for most. Those years will be returned to us.) Yes, it's better to keep walking through the desert. But it's not a shameful thing to drink deeply of an oasis. It's a good thing. It's a gift given. Maybe I'm weak, but I'm not alone.

I've been listening to The Screwtape Letters by CS Lewis and read by Joss Ackland on CD. I listen to it all the way through once every six months or so. It's amazing. Every time, there's something I hear that makes me think, "Yes, yes, yes. That is something I need to change." And something else that makes me say, "Wow." My favorite bit has always been (oh, and for those unfamiliar with the book, it's a fictional series of letters written from one "Senior Temptor" to a young devil in charge of one human soul. So the "cause" discussed is the cause of Hell, and the Enemy is in fact our greatest Friend): "Our cause is never more in danger than when a human, no longer desiring, but still intending to do the Enemy's will, looks round upon a universe from which every trace of Him seems to have vanished, asks why he has been forsaken, and still obeys." It's a useful thing to cling to. And then of course there's also the bit where the Church is described as she is, not as she seems to be. Not the shattered and fragmentary conglomeration of hypocrites and sinning saints, but as "spread out through all time and space and rooted in eternity, terrible as an army with banners". Chills.

There's something else I wanted to say *drum drum drum fingers*

*sigh* I should get back to work. Heaven knows I have plenty of it spread out in front of me.

Have I mentioned this new job yet? I'm not only a server, but a web writer/publicist too. Freelance. Work at home in jammies. Awesome deal. The problem is that the person I work for is, at least in writing, horribly disorganized. This does not work well for me. I am one of those few supremely rational and intelligent people *snicker* that stride the earth and are constantly confused and annoyed by inconsistency, vaguery, poor grammar, inanity, and disorganization. If you want me to run you, that's fine. Just tell me. Otherwise, I'm fine being an employee. But really. Please make sense in your communications. Be clear. Employ the backspace key if you wrote something you don't mean. Don't get me wrong. I really enjoy the job, I really like the lady, and I'm very thankful for the opportunity. My head just sometimes spins around.

White wine helps. God help me if I'm pregnant and can't have my white wine for 9 months+breastfeeding time. Scratch that. God help everyone else. ;)